Category: Poems

Early but late

We arrived early.
Just minutes passed since we got that call.
A man was standing at the entrance.
It seems that he was waiting to show us in.
I bet he did not think we arrive that soon.
He hasn’t recognized us yet.
Once again we sounded the martin’s horn
and entered the driveway.
Jumping out of the ambulance car
everyone of us grabbed a bag.
We managed to pass the distance to the man in just some seconds.
Already with tons of questions about what happened as we approached him.
Then we came to a halt and calmed down.
We didn’t need to hurry that much.
Minutes passed as we just stood there.
He was not waiting for us.
Not waiting for anything anymore.
We could hardly see the spear through his chest that was keeping him upright.
– sanados

Water

Water all around me.
Makes me feeling free.
It is the element I belong in.
Born to be swimming.
There I manage to relax.
All my motions are just reflex.
Feel the liquid on my skin.
Makes me want to sink in.
Floating on the surface.
Living in a slow pace.
All this might.
It is the greatest delight.
– sanados

Lucky

I was back to the old bridge.
A long forgotten bridge in the forest.
It was a railway bridge.
Now covered and hidden by grass and trees.
But what a beauty.
Rusty but strong.

I like heading out there.
Standing on the railing and looking down.
Down into a riverbed which dried out long ago.
I am there at least once a week.
Some urge always drags me there
to find some rest and some peace.
It is all so quiet there.
Peaceful.
After some hours when I get back home I am thinking
“Another day on which I did not jump off the railing.”

“Yet”
– sanados

The fog

Early autumn morning.
It is foggy outside.
I dress up and leave the house.
Already late because i had to wash the dishes and some other housework.
But finally I managed to run off and get into nature.
Here I start running.
Much too fast through this dense fog.
Reaching the woods I would not slow down.
A twig hits me on my cheek.
My bad.
Why did i had to go at this time.
Why did I have to choose this path?
But I struggle on.
After all I like fog.
And the tingling feeling it creates on my skin.
Then fog lightens.
I can see the ground in front of me.
One step further and i would have fallen in a great abyss
which appeared directly in front of me.
I smile.
Then I jump.
– sanados

The last moment

This moment.
When everything collapse.
Falls down on you.
Everything you built up.
Everything you wished.
Everything you hoped for.
Everything you ruined.
Finally.
Everything rebels.
And comes down on you.

This one moment is the key.
The key to everything.
This one moment is memory.
Memories for all that happened.
Then you let go.
For the first time.
For the last time.
Finally the day has come,
for the last moment.
– sanados

Die Autofahrt

Wie die Felder am Fenster vorbei ziehen.
All die neuen Eindrücke die man am Steuer verpasst.
Die Welt beobachten.
Ich mache es mir auf der Rückbank gemütlich.
Füsse ausstrecken und zurückfallen lassen.
Ein schönes Gefühl.
Eine sehr angenehme Reise.
Ohne sich auf die Strasse zu konzentrieren.
Einfach die Gedanken schweifen lassen.
Die Augen schließen und auf eine Reise gehen.
Nur das Herz blutet noch immer.
Es war eine gute Idee von dem Fahrersitz
auf die Rückbank zu klettern.
– sanados

And black it becomes

Fading to grey
All colors gone.
Withered to different shades of grey.
Scolded for shining too bright.
Punished for existence.
Stabbed and bleeding out.
Traces burnt to ash.
Forever gone.
Since forever erased.
No memory shall ever remain.
For all the time just grey.
In eternity meant to darken.
– sanados

Alt

Alt genug, daß ich meine Freunde nicht meinem Schmerz belästige.
Alt genug, um nicht unkontrolliert in Tränen auszubrechen.
Alt genug, um zu lachen trotz meiner Gedanken.

Bald zu alt, um meinen einzigen Traum umzusetzen.
Bald zu alt, um meinen einzigen Wunsch zu realisieren.
Bald zu alt, um noch Hoffnung zu haben.

Ich bin zu alt, um in einer Traumwelt zu leben.
Zu alt, um unrealistische Vorstellungen zu haben.
Zu alt, als das ich einfach zum Telefonhörer greifen könnte.
– sanados

Der letzte Schlag

Ich weiß nicht wie lange ich das durchhalte.
Mein Herz rast, meine Adern pochen.
Und das schon seit langem.
Ich habe keinen Hunger und Essen regt nur den Brechreiz an.
Schlaf klingt wie ein Märchen.
Und nur dieser eine Gedanke die ganze Zeit im Kopf.
So unwahrscheinlich es auch sein mag.
So unrealistisch es auch klingt.
Ich habe noch immer Hoffnung.
Und ich glaube das sich die Hoffnung bald erfüllt.
Ich hoffe das ich so lange durchhalte.
Aber ich kann nicht davon ablassen.
Es ist zu wichtig.
Es ist alles was mir etwas bedeutet.
Es ist mein einziger Weg glücklich zu werden.
Dafür bin ich bereit alle Schmerzen auf mich zu nehmen
Nichts war mir je so wichtig noch wird es wieder einmal so wichtig sein.
Was dann noch kommt schaffe ich.
Ich bin bereit glücklich zu sein.
Ich habe es verdient glücklich zu sein.
Ich höre mein Herz schlagen und wie es mir zustimmt!
Als ob es diesen Wunsch noch unterstreichen wollte schlägt es noch einmal sehr kräftig.
Ein letztes Mal.
– sanados

time to move on

So I tell myself to move on.
I have to move on.
There is no use in running in circles.
For all those years just circling.
So I tell myself to move on.
Thinking back to those days.
Lucky moments.
Time of joy.
Long past.
So I tell myself to move on.
Ban all this dreams.
Let go of the hopes that are left.
Stop imaging what could have happened.
Stop imaging what could be.
So I tell myself to move on.
Drop everything that has any worth to me.
Finally start a life for my own.
Start a life with my own.
It is time to move on.

– sanados

You know?

It is hard sometimes.
Sitting there and hardly being able to breath
because my chest is so heavy.
Feeling a firm grasp around my heart
making me feeling uneasy.
I am used to it for several years by now.
It seems like it has always been this way.
It seems like it has to be this way.
I wonder how it felt before.
Was i ever feeling easy.
But this burden is something i have to bear.
This is something i decided long ago.
And I will carry it to the very end.
– sanados